I have been having alot of reflection today on loving kindness in all my relationships and when someone does something that pushes that trigger in me....you know the one that makes you want to lash out in anger.....
....I did not get too much sleep last eve....the dogs and monkeys singing, however I think there may have been more to it....the energy of the full moon possibly....I decided to take some tylenol PM's which I brought in case of emergency and to help with sleep on the plane if it was an issue....I did eventually fall asleep, however woke up at 4:30 feeling a bit groggy from the tylenol (which made for a wobbly practice).....Mahesh had asked me if he could pick me up at 5:10 to go to the shala as he had something he needed to do at my usual time of pickup 5:20....Here it was 5:10....no mahesh, I began to feel agitated....my mind started to go and my ego kicked in...."I cant believe it he asked me to be ready early and he's not even here yet....I could have slept for 10 more minutes....I am paying him, how could he do this....on and on and on"....my loving kind heart was there too...."maybe something happend is he ok?....oh its alright, its only 10 minutes." The issue for me here is one of power and control.....my ego was wanting to feel most powerful over mahesh as I am the one paying for his services, however when we come from a place of loving kindness there is an equality in relationships....I am no better than him, he no better than me....that doesnt mean I cannot express what I want fom mahesh, however my intention is to maintain my integrity with grace and a loving heart. When I come from a place of love and spirit a spiritual connection is created and I can relate to everyone I meet (including my rickshaw driver) through my highest, wisest self, with truth, compassion and an open heart.
There is a little bit of a language barrier for mahesh and myself....he speaks some english, I have a really hard time understanding his english....I did not get completely why he was late and let him know I did not understand....I did get that it was something important with his family and the puja he had last eve at the temple....I did ask him to call me when something like this happens, "yes, madam".....and let it go....taking a breath realizing the more my connection with all people is based in spirituality, the better chance of a lively relationship....there is an energetic knowing between us....I feel more alive....more at peace and it is ok that he was late.....
What I am coming to find on the spiritual path is the rules are simple....
Be kind, compassionate, honest and natural to all.....most of all to yourself as how you treat yourself...you will treat others.....it begins within....
It is time to get going....moving today into my new home with Ganesh and his family....more later.....
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