Now I know for sure why I practice and why I am here.....
practice felt so good today.....much needed.....
I walk in the room and I am greeted by a nice hot room with lots of sweaty bodies....there is saraswathi.....it feels so good in the room....it is nice to be in the heat after having been in sag harbors cold for a few months.....I begin to sweat after my first suryanamaskara....ahhhhhhh it is going to be a deep practice.....and it is.....I go all the way to where I am at Tapovana parsva dhanurasana....saraswathi asks me at navasana if I know full primary....I say yes and continue on in my practice....she asks me at Garbha pindasana if I can bind in supta kurmasana and I say yes....I suppose she did not see me so she has me do it again....ok....I do....move on.....time for back bending.....everything just felt so easy today.....deep....the heat, the sweat just opening things up so sweetly....backbending....felt so nice....saraswathi had me hold my ankles today....hmmmmmmm my first day....the exact opposite of what people said would happen for me......ahhhhhh closing postures.....my fav...I love to relish in them deep long breaths after all the hard work.....as I lay in shivasana saraswathi is talking to a student....I hear her say byron bay....the tears begin to flow....sobbing....incredible sobbing.....I am reminded of scottie....more grief is there....I thought it was over....yet another layer.....the gratitude I had for him for he was the facilitator of getting me back on the path of ashtanga......the love I carry for him in my heart....the grief I feel over the loss....still there....takes over me.....wishing he was with me sharing this journey....he chooses not to.....he does not want to.....I am reminded of that.....my heart feels heavy....heavy with grief now....I am reminded of why I practice....what this does for me.....takes me deep deep deep inside my being....to the heart and core of my soul....takes me to a depth that I have only known with transformational breathwork....grief is a part of life.....loss a part of life....I have had so much of it.....dont want it.....want someone in my life who wants to be and stay by my side...share life....share this life....the good the bad the sweetness......a longing in my heart.....so strong...so real....so there.....feeling this grief will take me to the other side.....into the light....out of the darkness of grief.....
I am hungry.....I rest.....go have some breakfast at the yogi cafe'....hang by the pool....get some tan on....see what is there for me and what I have to offer.....
practice felt so good today.....much needed.....
I walk in the room and I am greeted by a nice hot room with lots of sweaty bodies....there is saraswathi.....it feels so good in the room....it is nice to be in the heat after having been in sag harbors cold for a few months.....I begin to sweat after my first suryanamaskara....ahhhhhhh it is going to be a deep practice.....and it is.....I go all the way to where I am at Tapovana parsva dhanurasana....saraswathi asks me at navasana if I know full primary....I say yes and continue on in my practice....she asks me at Garbha pindasana if I can bind in supta kurmasana and I say yes....I suppose she did not see me so she has me do it again....ok....I do....move on.....time for back bending.....everything just felt so easy today.....deep....the heat, the sweat just opening things up so sweetly....backbending....felt so nice....saraswathi had me hold my ankles today....hmmmmmmm my first day....the exact opposite of what people said would happen for me......ahhhhhh closing postures.....my fav...I love to relish in them deep long breaths after all the hard work.....as I lay in shivasana saraswathi is talking to a student....I hear her say byron bay....the tears begin to flow....sobbing....incredible sobbing.....I am reminded of scottie....more grief is there....I thought it was over....yet another layer.....the gratitude I had for him for he was the facilitator of getting me back on the path of ashtanga......the love I carry for him in my heart....the grief I feel over the loss....still there....takes over me.....wishing he was with me sharing this journey....he chooses not to.....he does not want to.....I am reminded of that.....my heart feels heavy....heavy with grief now....I am reminded of why I practice....what this does for me.....takes me deep deep deep inside my being....to the heart and core of my soul....takes me to a depth that I have only known with transformational breathwork....grief is a part of life.....loss a part of life....I have had so much of it.....dont want it.....want someone in my life who wants to be and stay by my side...share life....share this life....the good the bad the sweetness......a longing in my heart.....so strong...so real....so there.....feeling this grief will take me to the other side.....into the light....out of the darkness of grief.....
I am hungry.....I rest.....go have some breakfast at the yogi cafe'....hang by the pool....get some tan on....see what is there for me and what I have to offer.....
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